Bring out The Couch.

1) Baby throw-up and formula is the foulest smelling odor in the entire world. Period.
2) Babies don’t move me. But sometimes…
3) …other people’s babies are the best ever and do move me. And for some weird reason,
4) …thoughts of babies have taken over approximately 89.58% of my brain for the past 2 weeks.

Ok. Here’s the deal. All out confession to the world wide web. The premise of my fear of babies is probably the fact that God allows us to procreate and be responsible for another human being – in my case, a mix between my red-headed husband’s alabaster & freckled skin plus my cream colored skin & dark brown hair. Scary Spirish babies, indeed. Alas, let me address the key points.

1) There are so many other prenatal and post-partum things that I’ve encountered in my readings that gross me out beyond belief, it is ridiculous. Add to that the foul baby smells that continually permeate from such a tiny person and my OCD & clean-freak nature = unhappy ME. And I don’t want a baby to make me unhappy.
2) Like I’ve mentioned before, for a very long time, I did not want to have a baby. That is why I occassionally relapse and make bold statements like “Babies don’t move me” to a 58 year old grandma that proudly shows me a picture of her 2 year old granddaughter. Oops.
3) But as much as babies don’t move me, they must do something to my little heart strings because I can be perfectly content holding another person’s baby. That is, until the moment in which they decide to throw up formula on me (dual fail) and then they’re not so cute anymore.
4) Here I go again, being logical. Babies have been on my brain the past few weeks. This is probably due to the fact that I am at a point in my life where the work all day-exercise-eat dinner-shower-sleep hamster wheel is nothing short of being mundane. I figured in my logical brain that somehow, adding a baby to the routine will make things so much more fun.

This post in no way is meant to diminish the awesome & huge responsibility of parenthood – thanks, Mom & Dad! It’s just not for me right now and I know that when the right time comes, this post will seem somehow sadly hilarious and very selfish. Over and out.

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