Dear Tabby: {part II}

To Red Beard:

This memorandum is to inform the recipient that the cellular device of Miss V is currently out of commission.

Miss V was in the middle of sending Red Beard a text message about Friday’s planned excursion to the Ocala National Forest when thus said device proceeded to run out of battery life. Miss V regrets to inform Red Beard that she will be incommunicado until further notice.

Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter.

May your day at the cubicle be fulfilling.



Dictated but not signed to avoid delay.

Response from Red Beard:

Thank you for your memo. I hope while you were transcribing Miss V’s words none of your fur got on the keyboard because Miss V would not like that. If you were smoking a cigarette while transcribing make sure to put the cigarette in the proper place. Sometimes I see you, Tabby, as the character Puss in Boots on Shrek. You manipulate humans, particularly my Miss V, by using those eyes that would make anyone melt but not me because I can see right through you. Also Tabby, do you know anything about our “excursion” to Ocala on Friday? Apparently, Miss V wanted to tell me something about that and she didn’t say everything she wanted to so I will wait till this evening. Tabby, will you be joining us on Friday? I want to let you drive my car but I just can’t see a cat (sorry, I know you don’t like that word) drive a stick shift car and still be taken seriously. I know how you like that. Tabby. do you speak spanish? Maybe you can help me on Thursday by being my translator. Will you sit on my shoulder and translate as I attempt to talk to Miss V’s grandmother? I promise I will not make fun of you and call you my parrot because you are a cat but a new type of cat; a cat that can translate and sit on Red Beard’s shoulder. If I give you a zorro costume and you sit on my shoulder, you will be taken seriously because everyone will understand that you are a spanish speaking cat from latin america that wants to free the peasants from the tyranny of noble lords but you are on vacation in Florida for Thanksgiving. I will always remember what you have done for the peasants Tabby.

Yours Truly,


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