In case you missed the announcement, we are expecting our first baby in May. This post is a (very) condensed version of what I’ve been journaling throughout the past few years. I hope that this helps anyone out there who is waiting, whether you are waiting on starting a family or anything else.
Have you ever wanted something so badly that you thought you just couldn’t live another day without it? I’m sure if you think about it long enough, the answer is a resounding ‘yes!’, in spite of what your life journey has been up to this point.
My lesson in waiting starts a little over two years ago although if I really think about it, it begins many years prior. All I wanted was to become a mom and I had all my little checkboxes as to exactly how this ultimate goal of motherhood would happen. First, I would find a Godly man. Check. Then I would get married to this man. Check. We would enjoy a few years as a couple. Check. Finally, the month we would decide to have a child, it would happen that month. Not exactly.
What I didn’t count on was God’s plan in fulfilling my desire of motherhood and how He would go about doing it. I didn’t count on waiting but God knew all along, that I would need to go through this season of life. It strengthened my faith and patience.
Just because I wanted a child so badly and prayed about it all the time, didn’t mean that God wasn’t listening to my pleas. Those first months were not much of a letdown. However, those months slowly turned into years and still no child. As time went by, I found myself questioning more and more. Was God even listening anymore? Yes, yes He was. Was this my punishment for having once thought I didn’t want kids? No, no it wasn’t. Weren’t my plans good enough and logical? Yes…or so I thought.
It was right there in my face all along. God’s plan was so much bigger than mine!
There are 3 big-picture realizations I came to during my lesson in waiting:
1. God’s plan & timing is perfect. This is one of the hardest truths to come to grips with but when I did, it brought me more freedom than I could have imagined. From all the different reading I was doing during this time, if I had to pick one quote that served as a daily reminder about this truth, it is the following:
“Lie passive in God’s hands, and know no will but His.” – Charles H. Spurgeon
When I read that quote, I think it perfectly sums up what it took for me to realize that waiting was all part of God’s plan and I didn’t have to do any planning; He already had this planned out.
Also, there were a few Bible verses that I committed to memory. Like a muscle that gains strength when you work it out, these verses were my daily workout, so that I could gain strength to let go of my plans and hang on to God’s plans.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.” Proverbs 3:5-6
“Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!” Psalms 46:10
“Wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!”
“The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. The Lord is my portion, says my soul, therefore I will hope in him.” Lamentations 3:22-24
2. Keep living my life. As much as I felt like it would, life didn’t come to a sudden stop just because I didn’t get what I wanted, when I wanted it. What I realized was that I couldn’t keep living my life on a month-to-month basis. Instead, I had to live my life in spite of my circumstance and not because of my circumstance. We made plans to travel (and even went to Israel!), drank plenty of wine, ate lots of sushi, trained hardcore, competed in triathlons, rode rollercoasters, and the list goes on. In other words, I intentionally chose to focus on enjoying our time as a couple. It is amazing how when I would focus on what I actually had in front of me and was a present wife, I quickly forgot about wanting a child so desperately. It was so freeing, once I let go of my self-imposed prison.
3. Waiting makes it all the sweeter and more precious. Remember my question at the beginning about wanting something badly? Now try and recall a time when that desire was finally fulfilled, maybe even in an unexpected way. Take that moment, savor it and then bottle it up for later. God knew just how long I would be waiting for the arrival of our child. He knew the precise moment when I would finally conceive this child. He knew! We are currently expecting our first child in May. To say that this has been a much anticipated event is an understatement. When you wait on something for a long, long time, then when it actually happens it is like the sweetest fruit or dessert you have ever tasted. All the prayers, the waiting and the tears were worth every second of every day and now that fulfilled desire is much sweeter, much more precious than if my plan would have unfolded instead of God’s plan.
We are at the beginning of an amazing, roller coaster called parenthood. I realize just how blessed we are to have been given the gift of a child, along with the great responsibility we will have to be Godly parents to this child.
I don’t see this as a happily-ever-after ending. I see it as a lesson learned. I see it as my faith deepened. I see it as the continuation of many more lessons in waiting that await my life.
No matter how much you think you want something, remember that God’s plan is much bigger and infinitely better than yours.