The past few weeks, I’ve been mulling something over and am ready to share my thoughts about it. First, I’m going to just start with saying that this post is in no way meant to be negative or a woe is me cry. In fact, by the time I’m done writing this post, I want to be able to have a different, positive mindset. Also? I’m totally preaching to myself and no one else with everything I’ve written.
It all started with this lock screen from Emily Ley, which I’ve had on my phone now for two weeks. I can’t get this phrase out of my mind.
I will hold myself to a standard of grace not perfection.
There are so many thoughts jumbling around in my head lately. We are moving in 1 week. This pregnancy hasn’t been easy. Why is the house such a mess? Oh, we’re moving soon. Our toddler is testing my patience and limits beyond what we knew was possible. I haven’t had time for myself. When was the last time I showered? Ugh, my attitude has been horrible. Why can’t I just fall asleep already? And it goes on.
Tell me I’m not the only one? All those thoughts have made me feel guilt and shame. It’s the guilt that comes with being a stay-at-home mom and feeling like I have nothing to show for when an entire day goes by and the dishes are still piled up from the night before. The guilt when I feel like I should have taken a shower, done the dishes and a load of laundry during my son’s nap, but instead I spent most of it reading a book or catching up on emails and texts. While I fully appreciate the miracle of pregnancy, I feel ashamed that I haven’t enjoyed this pregnancy as much as I should. There’s also shame when I lose my temper at our son because he’s having his tenth tantrum of the day and I just don’t want to deal with it, again.
Here’s the thing and this is nothing groundbreaking or new I’m about to say. I can’t let these thoughts and attitudes continue being a part of my life. It’s simply not healthy and certainly not productive. Being someone who loves to excel at everything I do, this whole mom (and if we back it up some, being a wife) gig has proven otherwise. There are just too many balls to juggle, too many hats to wear to even try and get any of them down perfectly. It cannot happen because I’m a flawed human who will never be perfect.
As badly as I want to excel and be the perfect wife, mom and the list goes on…I keep coming back to this thought of choosing grace and not perfection. That is so easy to write down and even say to myself throughout the day but much harder to live out. So, what does giving myself grace actually look like? This is what I’ve been hashing out the past few weeks.
-Knowing when to gracefully accept help.
-Knowing when to say no.
-Knowing when to take a deep breath and let it go.
-Letting go of guilt.
-Stop comparing myself to others.
-Not striving for perfection.
-Choosing contentment over happiness.
See? It’s nothing groundbreaking or new. But I just need to remind myself of these things, time and time again. In my heart, I believe this theme of choosing grace and not perfection is going to guide my year. It is my biggest cry and prayer.
p.s. Along this very theme, I’m going to be taking a short break from blogging though may occasionally still post on Instagram. Hope to catch you guys there or here, when I come back. Thanks for reading along! I love y’all.