ready or not

*Edited: I actually wrote this post last week, on Thursday to be exact. Well, I’m thrilled to say that over the weekend we welcomed our baby into this world! More soon, I promise. 

Here I am at 39 weeks, 5 days pregnant. Somehow (and thank God!) yet again, I’m counting my blessings for having made it this far.

As we’re in these last few days of life as a family of three, I’ve been reminiscing about a lot of things. (I’ve also been taking the time to try and savor every moment with my family, hence the lack of posting around here. Thanks for understanding!)

It’s interesting how the memories of things past always start creeping up when similar events become a part of your present moments. One of the memories that’s been on my mind the most is how our lives changed with the birth of our first child. There was this innocence, a sort of naivety about how life would look like after the baby arrived. Of course, the reality was much different, although I don’t necessarily mean that in a bad way. A lot of adjustments and sacrifices were made, as a couple navigating those new waters.

That first baby is now almost 2 years old and over the course of time, we have all adjusted and fallen into a sweet routine. Yes, life is still busy and exhausting but when there hasn’t been drastic change life tends to feel pretty even keeled and that in itself brings its’ own type of comfort.

The thing is, I’ve learned over the years is that if there isn’t change in our lives, we become complacent. Honestly, most of the time it’s easier to be resistant to change rather than give in. After all, it’s the well-traveled road. Thinking back about the changes, especially in the first year after having a baby I have also realized that without the change (and accompanying gray hairs) I wouldn’t be who I am today. Knowing that adding a second baby will be a drastic change to our lives yet again, is going to be a less-traveled road. That is, until it becomes our new normal.

Often, I wonder if our son also realizes in his own way that change is in the air. Lately, he’s wanted extra snuggles and cuddles and even wanted to sleep on my shoulder. Momma has to be holding his hand all the time or always be in sight. I am so much more aware now that I’m going to have to split my attention and time between two little human beings. That makes me sad in a way, knowing that I can’t fully give 100% to each child, all the time. Yet at the same time, I know that it’s going to grow and stretch me in many ways for the better if I let it.

Of course, there are those memories that wash over me like a tidal wave at night when I can’t sleep. Like the fact that I cannot remember how to make a proper swaddle or if I will be able to function on even less sleep yet again. Remembering that I have to change diapers throughout the night and feed the baby constantly. Instead of drowning in the harder memories of those early baby days, I’m going to do my very best and choose grace over perfection because I now know from experience that the days are indeed long, but the years are short.

We’re all so ready to meet you, bebe.

One thought on “ready or not

  1. Lucy Pollard-Gott says:

    Dear Sweetie,

    I’ve been reading this blog by a woman who is having her second baby (“bebe dos”) and she is near delivery. It is very well written and I thought you would enjoy reading it too. She reflects on the changes in her life (without too many details) that came with the first baby and how she is mentally preparing for the second. I may read her link to another post on “grace over perfection” and I loved her whole sense of gratitude even for the difficult changes that come in the first year. In that sense it’s a lot like marriage–something new that is so worth doing, and learning to do, day by day.

    love, mommy

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